It's laudable that you would demonstrate such good taste as a consumer. Laudable, yet futile.

I know I said I stocked up on the eyelids one so I could throw it at people. I know I said that. And look, two things can be true at the same time: I have written several books that are very real, very heavy, and very capable of impacting the physical reality of your face. That can be true. And the other thing about them only existing in my mind-palace, inaccessible because my nostrils only stretch a little bit and are woefully insufficient for entry, that can be true at the same time.

There seems to be an inconsistency here, and that's understandable. However, the fact remains: no there isn't.